Part 7: Chapter the Sixth: Where are the superstars you promised us?

Chapter the Sixth: Where are the superstars you promised us?
September 8, 2013-October 6, 2013

At Solihull Moors, September 10, 2013
Skrill North


We went into this game as the underdogs on Ladbrookes, and if the punters had known how badly I botched my pregame talk the odds would have been even worse. Every single member of the starting 11 were “demotivated and confused” after I had initially told the team that if they played their game they'd win, and then told the defenders and midfield that I expected to see a good performance from them. The team went from relaxed and loose to agitated and discomfited in a heartbeat, and it was entirely my fault for not paying better attention to what I was saying.



After the first 30 minutes, I was sure we were headed to our first loss of the season. We'd come out tight, playing our counter tactic for the first time due to the opponent's use of an aggressive 4-3-3 with a lone striker atop 3 attacking midfielders.




They missed an easy opportunity early, and we caught a huge break when the sideline judge disallowed a clearly onsides golazo by Solihull Moors in the 22nd minute. At that point I junked our counter-attacking style, and threw the team into attack. It paid dividends immediately, as we scored twice in the next ten minutes. Despite giving up a goal in the middle of the second half, we won 3-1, and we clearly had the better of the home team.

Solihull Moors 1-3 Tackleford City



How hard is it to play in a 4-4-2, guys? C'mon! I want to start practicing set pieces!

At Workington, September 14, 2013
Skrill North



We play another away game at Workington, where we're narrow underdogs. They're in second right now, so it would behoove us to get some sort of result out of this match as our other match against them is in our stadium. Luckily, one of their midfielders is a miserable idiot and gets a straight red before 3 minutes have elapsed in the game, leaving them with only ten players for nearly the entire game. We can't break the game open in the first half, but by the final whistle we've won a resounding 6-1 victory, capped by a double brace by Rosetti. This has been by far and away our most impressive performance of the season. First round's on me, boys!

Workington 1-6 Tackleford City



We had six players in the Team of the Week. First round's on me, boys! What do you mean you don't want to go drinking again? I don't understand this response!



Here's a situation where I will absolutely pump my employee full of corticosteroids. Johnston anchors our midfield, and he's played very well all season. The injury will only keep him out two weeks, so there's a good chance he can recover even while playing in each fixture. So Dr. Feelgood is called, and gives him a dose of the top shelf stuff.

vs. Boston United, September 21, 2013
Skrill North



Within the first six minutes of our next match we've gone down two goals. We fight our way back to a tie in the 50th minute, and take the lead in the 59th minute. Boston United doesn't let us enjoy our lead for long, less than two minutes later we're knotted at 3 each. We get several more chances, but can't force a winner. While I'm privately relieved that we recovered from a two goal deficit, I harangue the shit out of the team, telling them that it's absolutely unacceptable that we didn't win that match. The draw knocks us from second place back to fourth, which is still much better than we were doing at the start of this update.

Tackleford City 3-3 Boston United



Welp, he's out for two weeks. We still get a game out of him that we wouldn't have had otherwise, and he doesn't miss any additional time. A data point in favor of medicating your players!

At Goole, September 28. 2013
FA Cup 2nd Qualifying Round



We got lucky against Goole. They mollywholloped us up and down the pitch for the entirety of the first half. This from a team in a league so far down the English football pyramid that it isn't even playable in the game! We recovered in the second half, though, and now we're onto the next qualifying round of the FA Cup. The board expects us to reach at least the first proper round of the tournament, so we're going to need a couple more victories to make them happy.



I walked into the postgame meeting with a dire look on my face, but when I cracked a grin the whole team lit up. Inside I was still seething that they made me sweat. My drinks are on you guys, assholes. Especially since I'm only earning £28,600 a year.

Goole 1-3 Tackleford City



Our 37 year old keeper is no longer our 37 year old keeper. It cost us some money, but he would never get on the field now that we have a couple youth goalkeepers and if he got cranky about his lack of playing time he could poison the locker room. I couldn't have done this if I hadn't gifted us a billionaire owner when setting up the game, we'd be too cash poor. But since I did, I might as well take advantage of it. Relatedly, I love the phrase “surplus to requirements.” Such a nice way of telling someone they're useless.



The first coach gets sacked. Mark Bates was too good for you, North Ferriby! You'll see this pretty regularly, and once you have some accomplishments under your belt you'll find yourself being headhunted by larger teams who want you to bring your mojo to their team.



Finally! I highlighted this guy in one of the first updates, he's the incredibly technically proficient striker who's slower than light in a Bose-Einstein condensate. I'm hoping he gives us a good partner for Rosetti, Hester has been very good so far but he's missed some easy chances and having a squad where you have multiple options not only inures you to injuries but also fatigue over a long season.

At Oxford City, October 1, 2013
Skrill North



Oxford City is already looking like nailed on relegation bait. We handled them confidently, our victory was sealed by Robinson converting our first penalty of the season. We're in a fine run of form, the key now is to not let it go to the players heads.

Oxford City 0-2 Tackleford City

vs. Barrow, October 5, 2013
Skrill North



We missed another penalty, but by the end of the first half one of Barrow's defenders had been sent off for his second yellow card. We take the lead less than two minutes after the restart, and pick up a second goal in the 73rd minute on Oriogun's first of the season. Another two goals see us to a 4-0 victory. Barrow couldn't even manage a single shot.

Tackleford City 4-0 Barrow



Things are looking up, it's early October and we're 4-0-1 in our last five league games. The board is content with our performance despite their disappointment that we've failed to sign anything even approaching a star. I think we'll be able to make a strong push for promotion. I'm going to aim for a decent run in the FA Cup, I think we have a deep enough team to make some noise until we get matched up against a League One or better side.